Truth is out, finally

After close to one year of unexplained coldness, I finally found out the truth.

Counselor urged me countless time to use every resources to find out if there is any extramarital affairs.

One thing is, I don’t know how I can do that. He has two phones, both protected by password and could only be opened by fingerprint. My sister did suggest hiring private investigator and I thought about it but what if he is clean but he finds out I spy on him? Will that break trust forever? I hesitated. It’s not particularly cheap either.

Another thing is, I have asked him and he said there is no third party involved. Well, shouldn’t I trust my own husband? I chose to believe in what he said and just let the matter rests. The coldness, distance and hurt continue and I am practically invisible to him.

But then, just last night, he was back home terribly late and totally drunk. I was feeling a bit lucky and tried a password that he used to use. And there it was! The phone was unlocked. He had a friend who he is very closely with and they have business dealings together. I checked the chats record between them on his whatsapp. And there, truth to be told– there is a girlfriend. His friend and he talked about it as a long term relationship, talked about her beautiful face, about all the sexting and even those many business trips away from home — are spent with her.

Did it come as a shock? Well I would say having read so many many self help books on saving marriages, I kind of have prepared myself for the worst. It couldn’t have been any other reason than this for a good man to change overnight. I took snapshots of the evidence with my own phone, my hands shaking. I didn’t sleep the whole night digging out what evidence there could be, from his phone. I was unbelievably calm.

So the worst nightmare has come to pass. I left my family to a foreign land, worked hard for the family and raised his kids. Saved not a cent for myself over the past 10 years and this is what I got in the end? I am losing faith in this marriage thing. What if my son does this to his wife? What if my daughter’s husband does this to her? Why do people do such thing? Why is it so unfair that he gets out and have all the fun and I am at home to suffer? Why does he get to eat all the good food and have all the good sex and I am stuck at home not able to eat and been sexless for the whole year? Why is it so hard to do the ‘right’ thing? Am I even doing the right thing? Is there even a right thing to do?

Oh Lord, please help me! Listen to my plead! I don’t want to live anymore! What would happen to my children? Have all my prayers gone unheard? What should I do? I am totally lost! My tears have dried up and my heart has gone numb. What am I to do know? Can somebody tell me?

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