One year anniversary

It’s already a year since I live in this hell. There seems to be some improvement since I left him totally alone. He is so disgusting I hate him to bits and really hope he dies this instant. I have evaluated myself on many levels and can’t really find faults about myself. What I have done wrong might be that I have married him. I have chosen the wrong man. I might have been so infatuated in love that my eyes were blinded to his many character flaws. I have never seen this coming.

I asked him again about his affairs. He said there is no such thing. Despite the concrete evidence I have, he denies what he has done. I guess denying what you have done in plain daylight is the norm in this modern world? There is no integrity anymore. Honesty has no value anymore. Not only did he denies it, he blames on me to accuse him falsely. He opened his eyes very big and said, I HAVE NOTHING TO TELL YOU ABOHT THIS! IT NEVER HAPPENED!

Well, to hell with you. There will be karma. For a man like you, you business will not succeed. Your bad name has been heard in the industry, and no one is stupid enough to trust you, no matter how cheap you price your service at.

Children are watching you. They will either learn to be a liar like you, or they will despise you as a fucking liar. It will be my responsibility to make sure it’s the later.

He said lets just move forward. I find that a fucking good idea. Every marriage should fucking move forward. But does that mean any point in time you are welcome to break your marriage vow, go out and have an affair or two, fuck a few prostitute, hurt the hell out of your wife. Then come back and shout, move forward bitch! Why are you stuck! Why should you ask me about affairs? Just move forward!

Is it fair? Your wife should stay at home, shut her mouth and wait for you? Who wrote this kind of marriage rules? To hell with marriages, they are just lies. There is no happily ever after kind of happy ending. They only happen on others, never on you. Marriages are only suffering and being treated unfairly. Love will be gone and before you know it your husband is sleeping with some other women. And you are to be blamed because you aged, you are fat, your virgina is not tight and wet enough, your hair is thinning, because you are not fun, because you spend his money, because you are not working, because you are too independent. They can make an endless list for you. The marriage vow doesnt work believe me. I married young and have seen everything. Men are devils. I have not seen even one good man that deserve a good woman. They are liars and monsters. I totally understand why we should go for women instead.

So should I go for a divorce now? I probably should. I am prepared. Now I need to

– move to a good area for my children’s education and my work

– start educating my children about life without their idiotic old man

– up my spendings now so i can fight for more maintenance for up-keeping of lifestyle after getting divorce

– widen my social circle for my sanity and/or a chance to meet a better new husband (keep in view because for now all men are bad)

– start a business for some meaning in life

– pray to God that this existing man will change do I dont have to get a divorce

But again, if he doesnt confess, if he still doesnt admit his wrong doing, should I just accept him with open arms? Should I just forgive him even without an apology? Why is his life so easy and mine so hard? It’s not fair. What if he has STD? What if he does that again next year?

God help me. I am at the losing end. I have no clue what to do next except planning a plot to kill him. When he dies, the marriage bond will be broken and I am free to marry another! Hurray!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s