Useless, worthless

Today there were a lot of parking lots at the roadside. But you said you need to pump petrol, because the car is running dry. I know this is an excuse to not sit in the service. I know all your stupid vices.

There is only one and a half hour of Sunday service every week and you always try to escape. Because you want to run away from God. You think you are running away from me, no, you are running away from God. God has endless patience and time for you. I don’t.

I kept texting to ask where you are. You said you are parking at the hotel because there is no more parking nearby. This is expected! When the church crowd comes, all the lots will be taken! This is not the first day you go to church! Dont make a fool of yourself by treating others as retarded.

I do feel hurt. You dont want to sit with me at church. I know. You feel uncomfortable because there is so much guilt. You know what fucking deeds you have done. Multiple affairs, bringing girls on ‘business trips’, leaving me weeping day and night at home, broken hearted. All these didnt bother you a bit. You are such a fucking narcissist like your father, who thinks the sun and moon exist solely because of you. And all the women on the earth are there to serve you sexually and otherwise. You are sick to the bone! Why must you live? Why dont you die this instant?

I cant convince myself to stay in the marriage anymore. Spiritually, you are dead. You dont love God. I married a Christian. Now i am not sure what you are. Thats fine. Many women married non-believers and they are so loved by their husbands and they are happy. But shit i dont feel no love from you fucking bastard. I still have to suffer from your fucking silent treatment on a daily basis. Whatever i ask there is no answer. How do you take this kind of emotional abuse son of a bitch! And nevermind, some women stay in a marriage with no love because of money. Now! Where is the money gone? To all those wholes? They sucked your wallet dry when they suck your dick? Dont tell me it doesnt cost to be a playboy. Die, please go to hell.

What other reasons do i have to stay here? I sat at the service and prayed to God, please I beg you God, tell me when my suffering will end? Will it not end? How long more do i go to church weeping? I cant take it anymore. It’s not fair when i cant divorce him because i have made the marriage vow. And he can break it anytime he wants because he is a fucking bastard. When, oh Lord, when can i get out of this?

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