I started counselling when I felt I was going down to depression on the advise from a friend who has gone through a major marriage crisis.
Today was the fourth session and the counselor asked me to list some of the desirable attributes of him. It was actually not hard at all:
- He is a good provider. He gives me a handsome monthly allowance which I seldom touch, because he lets me spend on his credit card without asking any questions ever. Except for a time he suspected someone stole my credit card information. My girlfriend thought maybe it’s out of guilt he is using money to compensate me for whatever evil deeds he is doing outside. But the counselor said if the pattern has been going on since day 1 and there was no major change of pattern, my girlfriend’s perspective doesn’t stand. Well right the pattern has been constant.
- He is a good father. He was very hands-on with the children since they were born and he dotes on them so much that everyone would agree that he is a good father. He spends whatever time he has left playing with them, teaching them new things and reading them stories. Sometimes he is impatient with them, but not all the time.
- He doesn’t recreate conflicts. He is clean and tidy. Not picky about food served on the table and pick up his own socks. There is nothing left to pick on him
The problem is just between us. He is cold and uninterested in me. As usual, the positive thinking champion counselor asked me to focus on the good attributes and keep loving him, treating him the way i want to be treated. And wait upon God to do the rest. Yes this is a christian counselling service and counselors are well-trained volunteers who spends their personal time to help others who are in need. I thanked her for her well-meaning advice but it’s still so unfair to me. I would say counselling has been doing good for me and I am learning to look on the bright(er) side. The counselor also asked me to prepare for the worst and don’t be caught by surprise should the worst scenario really comes to pass. Wise. I don’t want to be so desperate and just wait hopefully for that man to return. For now I will try my best to lead a normal life doing what makes me happy amidst all the troubles going on at home.